Monday, December 27, 2010
Let's Face It...There Will Be Rough Days (The Emotional Separation Begins)
Now that I have officially "let go" of my dead relationship, I am realizing that I am now going through a grieving process. I left my husband a year and a half ago. I know now that that was only a physical separation. The emotional separation is just beginning. The life that I had hoped and planned for is not going to be.
Although I have no regrets over leaving, it hurts a bit that it's over. And it is not that I am hurting over him, I believe in my heart that it is fear not knowing what my future holds as far as relationships. I have so many questions and doubts. Do I want to be in another long-term relationship or marriage? Will I be lonely? What if I never find anyone else? What if he finds a new love, how will I handle that situation? Why am afraid to file for a divorce? The statistics say that over 40% of black women never marry, did I miss out on my one chance? Crazy thoughts I know but this is what is going through my head.
Then I look back at the unhappiness that I've experienced and being single is not worse that being trapped in a loveless marriage. I will be o.k. But I have to allow myself to mourn the loss of my marriage.