Monday, December 27, 2010

Let's Face It...There Will Be Rough Days (The Emotional Separation Begins) (image)

Now that I have officially "let go" of my dead relationship, I am realizing that I am now going through a grieving process.  I left my husband a year and a half ago.  I know now that that was only a physical separation.  The emotional separation is just beginning.  The life that I had hoped and planned for is not going to be. 

Although I have no regrets over leaving, it hurts a bit that it's over.  And it is not that I am hurting over him, I believe in my heart that it is fear not knowing what my future holds as far as relationships.  I have so many questions and doubts.  Do I want to be in another long-term relationship or marriage?  Will I be lonely? What if I never find anyone else? What if he finds a new love, how will I handle that situation?  Why am afraid to file for a divorce?  The statistics say that over 40% of black women never marry, did I miss out on my one chance?  Crazy thoughts I know but this is what is going through my head.

Then I look back at the unhappiness that I've experienced and being single is not worse that being trapped in a loveless marriage.  I will be o.k.  But I have to allow myself to mourn the loss of my marriage.

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